


See You, Pal

by Liquified_Organs



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, M/M, Men Crying, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Suicide, Therapy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-03-17 14:45:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18967375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liquified_Organs/pseuds/Liquified_Organs
Summary: this is my first work, please be gentle :)





	1. Therapy Session

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work, please be gentle :)

_How have you been doing, James?_

**Do you watch the news?**

_Yes._

**Then you know how I'm doing.**

_I don't know unless you tell me, James. We have to work together to help you get better._

**I know. It's just hard.**

_What is?_

**Thinking about it. I mean, they're gone. Nat, Tony. Tony couldn't stand me, and I miss him. I've known Nat since she was born, and now it feels like everything is... Empty, I guess.**

_Hollow?_

**Yeah, that's it. And, I mean, there's also time travel. How crazy is that? Just push a button, and whoosh! It's five years ago!**

_James?_

**Yeah?**

_You're avoiding the real problem here._

**You're a real shrink, huh?**

_It's what my diploma says._

**Heh. Always did like a lady with a sense of humor.**

_James..._

**Yeah, I know. Just let me breathe.**

_I'm ready when you are._

…

**I think I'm okay now.**

_Go ahead._

**You know about Steve going back and returning the stones?**

_Yes. He stayed in the past, didn't he? With Peggy Carter?_

**Yea... Yeah. He stayed behind.**

_How do you feel about that?_

**You want the truth?**

_Always._

**...I hate it. I almost hate _him_ for doing it. But I can't be angry, because he's happy. He got the life he wanted.**

_But...?_

**He left me behind. If I could have gone with him, if I could have seen them grow old together... Maybe I wouldn't be so disappointed.**

_Are you jealous of him?_

**No! No, of course not. I just. I guess I wish I had gotten a second chance too.**

_That's not all of it, James. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong._

**Jesus Christ, you sound like Steve. 'I worry about you, James!' 'I can't help you if you don't talk to me!' Jeez, when will you ever give it a rest?**

_Are you talking to me or Steve?_

**Steve. It's not his job to watch over me.**

_Okay. So you're angry at Steve for constantly looking out for you?_

**And for leaving me to get hitched. Not that I'm not happy for him.**

_Of course._

…

_Are you in love with Steve?_

**Probably. I'm not sure what being in love feels like.**

_Okay. Do you think he's too good for you?_

**Mhm.**

_Interesting._

**I've been in 'love' with him for a bazillion years, probably. My memories are still sort of fucked. I actually hated Peggy for a while 'cause I thought she was gonna keep him from seein' him ever again. she's a pretty swell dame, though. I'm glad I got to know her.**

_You're sad it wasn't you, though?_

**Kind of. I mean, we would've gotten lynched in the thirties for being queer, and then there was the whole HYDRA mess, then the Accords, and then the bleached raisin.**

_How are you coping with Steve now?_

**He knows something's wrong. He's known me since the 20's, how could he not? But he's recruiting Sam and Wanda and all the others to make sure I'm not gonna blow my brains out. It's kind of nice.**

_And you're not?_

**What, interested in emptying a cartridge into my face? Nah. I got Sam to help keep me sane.**

_I don't want to hit a dark topic so soon, but... you know Steve will pass on at some point._

**Oh, boy, do I. Yeah, that's mostly what I'm worried about nowadays. But I'm not worried right now, 'cause I still got Sam.**


	2. Mourning

"Steven Grant Rogers was born on July 4th, 1918, in a little hospital on 121 DeKalb Avenue. A few days later, his father was sent off to fight in The Great War. The only part of him that returned was a locket and a set of dog tags.

Steve was my best friend. We met on a little playground across the street from an old church in Brooklyn, where he was getting beat up by a little punk who had been raised to think the world revolved around him. He ended up going home with a black eye and a bloody lip. From that day forward, Steve and I were inseparable.

When his ma died, I decided that he was too upset to be by himself for any prolonged amount of time. So I dragged him into my beat-up apartment and made sure he didn't wallow too much. Once he had sold most of his ma's stuff, we had just enough money to pay the rent and buy a few week's worth of groceries.

We barely survived on my paychecks and Steve's money from selling his artwork. We found out about Pearl Harbor in an art class, and the first thing he said was, 'I'm going to fight.' Most of my unit had been captured by the time he made it to Europe, but he managed to fly to Austria to save us. Little bits of my unit- and other prisoners- teamed up with Steve to form the Howling Commandos. While other soldiers were taking down regular soldiers, we blew up bases full of ray guns and other ridiculously advanced weapons. I was told that after I was captured by HYDRA, Steve crashed a HYDRA plane into the ocean to save New York from being bombed.

I was forced to fight him in D.C., When HYDRA decided to put Project Insight into action. While I was trying to kill him, he managed to stop the Project and send the helicarriers into the water. Project Insight, I was later told, would have been responsible for the deaths of millions of people- including Tony Stark.

I looked through dozens- maybe hundreds- of history books, while I was on the run, trying to figure out who I was and where I came from. There was one thing that none of the books or websites ever covered, though. I always looked at Steve as if he hung the moon. He was the perfect man, even when he weighed 90 pounds and couldn't stay out of a fight to save his life. I loved him more than life itself. I only wanted what was best for him, so you can imagine how pleased- and maybe jealous- I was by the fact that Steve had finally found his other half. And that they got to live a life together, and get the domestic bliss that they had both wanted. I'm sure that if Steve were here now, he would assure us now that he had died a happy man."

Bucky hesitantly looked up at the small group of people crowded around the casket. Steve laid perfectly posed to be dropped in the ground and covered in dirt, his dark suit enveloped in darker shadow. A tear dropped from Sam's face onto Steve's tie, and waited a moment before soaking into the fabric.

~~~

"Mister Barnes? "

Peter stood next to him. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you." Bucky pulled him into a hug. "How's MJ?"

"She's good. Mrs. Potts is teaching her about contract loopholes."

"She wants to be a lawyer?"

"No, she likes knowing stuff." Peter smiled. "I really like her, Mr. Barnes."

"I know, kid." Bucky ruffled Peter's hair and nudged him back in the direction of his aunt. "Good luck wooing her, or whatever you kids do these days."

Peter grinned shyly before going back to stand with his aunt.

"You're really good at this, huh." Sam stared at Steve's casket. "I thought burying one friend was hard, but this." He clenched his jaw. "Dammit. First Riley, now Rogers."

"If it makes you feel better, I don't intend on leaving anytime soon. " Bucky nudged Sam's shoulder with his own. Sam huffed and hesitantly smiled at him. "Sure, man. But you gotta teach me to use the shield."

**Author's Note:**

> This might be terrible(sorry), so please leave comments and (please) kudos and tell me if I messed up!! :)


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